Friday, June 25, 2010


there's is no better writings to describe beauties.
the essence of composing one's poem was always satisfying.
to describe your heart within words,
in a form of arts~~

Sunday, June 20, 2010


what's been in the past cannot be undone no matter how painful
it was and it were to be to us.
to me.
it was never in my power to live the life many people had,
to have as many friends,
to have wonderful
and cherished memories during the teen's life.
no, it was never made as my choice,
and i wasn't even given a choice.
here i am in the middle of the night babbling myself
all the way into the deep night,
but pretty sure no one would read this,
nor understand every single word that i meant.
it's okay,
this is just a perfect place to let my heart out,
to let it all out,
the anguish, the pain,
the confusedness that i had all these years.
my life is now, and tomorrow,
i shouldn't dwell in the past,
i shouldn't even think about it.
but sometimes things just trigger you out.
i absolutely hate that.
get away please,
please get away my mental picture.
it was something that i have lost years ago,
i shouldn't be dwelling on it.
you are all not important to me,
like i am
like me, who appears to be
non-existent to you all.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

bad bad day

yesterday was such a bad day..
first of all i practically, unconsciously, involuntarily slept off
in front of our lecturer, while he was giving off his lecture!
and the worst thing was, i was at the front row,
and it happened for two lecture in a row.
such a shameful act!!!!
it's not that i'm bored, but i guess i am just too tired
with the schedule being so bloody packed
i couldn't hold my eyes open anymore..
i tried slapping myself * inconspicuously of course, chewing candies,
but the sleepiness won't go..
in the end i heard a voice behind of me waking me up..
and the dread crept to me as i opened my eyes,
and came in contact eye to eye with the lecturer, literally!!
oh my God.. i feel like my whole body panicked with shame..
i think i should do apologize.
then, came the evening.
we were supposed to be at the lab for instrument inventory..
the rules in the lab was to wear your white coat,
closed shoes and definitely not t-shirts as in the case in front of the matron and
the staff nurse..
i totally forgot to change my shoes (wearing the dots CROCS) and i also wore t-shirt cause i thought no one would notice as my lab coat was huge * it should be covering all.
and there he came trotting to me, giving me this look,
and smugly asked for my name and my matrix no.
what the hell??
my day just turned out to be depressing..
what a day for the semester start. huh.
definitely gonna behave from now.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

the ordinary beauty

it could be the blue sky.
the white clouds.
the moon, the sun, the stars..
flowers, morning dews, leaves turning colors..
why do i called them ordinary beauty?
because they are beautiful, regardless the constant everyday presence that might have become an ordinary cycle within our short lives.
how these beauties inspires songs, poetry, philosophy, perception, senses, love..
most of all, how they shaped us, in the mind, in the heart and soul, at the very core of our being, how God has granted us the prove of His Power, Kindness, Love and Wisdom and everything of human not capable of.
the ordinary beauty of the galaxies, the green grass, the vast fields, the trees..
the scents in the air, humans, of the greatest creation of His, The Almighty..

why he gives us all these proof, existence?
to find the truth. to know the truth.
to learn. to live.
to cherish. to protect.
to find wisdom.
as a little boy gazes upon the wide vast of the skies, one would wonder what kind of thoughts there might be there, inside beyond the child's eyes?
i would say, awe.
and a longing to fly, to fly there.. to reach there and touch the clouds.. to breath the air of the skies..
and it is not impossible, no, an ordinary person can do it.
we have been created with flaws and imperfections, and we don't need to chase the perfection. but the chase towards improving being better was never a question, it could be in so many ways, thousands of ways, we can be poor, so we worked day and night to chase our dreams, if this little boy thinks he's too small for the skies, then forever there will be no one to invent the planes.
he'll grow during the chase. he'll learn.
perfection is achieved when we cease chasing it.
the ultimate goal was to give yourself a run, a run for the sky, for the moon, for everything that mattered, i cannot wait for anything.
and if it means crashing down, falling, losing, going down, drowning, sacrificing, it means there's a lot to learn that life was not intended for comfort and simplicity only.
i love the sky. so i'm going to fly to it.
i love the moon, so i'll find myself the ladder to climb.
and i love the people whom love me best, so if it means loving them back without questions, i will be at peace.

so this is how i shaped myself.
this is what my father taught me that when he said there is nothing easy in this life.
when my mother struggled day and night and she won. she is at peace, insya Allah.
when a friend told me that i cannot wait for that perfection to come to be something, to give something more out of myself.
i am a selfish, arrogant, egoistic person, and when i found that if i hadn't taken the risk, the road less traveled, i would have never learned the gifts of life. that is not all it. there is also death. so why not i live a good life to have an honorary death.
there so much to do, so much to learn new.. so much to be, so so much more..
even if this has to start from scratch

Monday, June 7, 2010

ugly reflection


wonder who have all these and how to fix all these. must be hard

Saturday, June 5, 2010

song for the waiting

There's no straight road
Tonight to take me home
To lay me in my lover's bed
There's no good way
Tonight to make me okay
No voice to calm
My rainy head

It's not the road
It's not the miles
Or being alone
That tells my heart
She should be aching
The danger's in
The danger's in
The danger's in the waiting

I see my life well rehearsed
And it bores my mind
It's like a show
I've seen a thousand times before
I see my life in reverse and it scares me inside
I see all the ways
I should be giving more

The night is warm but lonely
I should be crawling in
You're fast asleep but I am waiting

The days are so unholy
You make me right again
The night is long
I'll be waiting

how each words is realistic.. its a lovely song