stop.

and so i am just tired being the morbid emo me.
it's time for a change.
i want to stop concerning myself with why i am not a friend
like everyone was to you girls.
i'm tired of crying my eyes out, thinking that something is wrong with me.
i don't want to be selfish, but i am to be selfish.
starting.
from.
now.
if being a loner was my fate after all so be it.
it's way better than chasing approval or groups.

an attempt

a soft cradle between arms,
a beating rushes the warmth
into her eyes.
she stares into the soft vast
of flooding tranquility.
slowly unfolding wordless truth.
as she stare
into those eyes
she saw nothing more
but more, of more
of love.

the past,present and future: chapter II

i guess i a am selfish.
greedy with very high expectations.
i already have enough.
a great man.
the best of friends you can have.
then, what else do i wanted?
it always seem to be never ending.
the edge where you kept pushing yourself to have more.
and it just kept hurting not only me, but the people around.
so i thought it's for the greater good.
for the so called-understanding and happiness.
does it?
was honesty really the best policy after all?
my honesty does not seem so.
i always wanted to keep my stand on things that i believe were true.
i guess my ego was the worst crash landing i adopted.
it's not good.
and it still hangs in the air.
and in the present, life seems not so beautiful anymore.

----------------
Now playing: The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel
via FoxyTunes

the past,present and future: chapter I

if it takes listening to dangdut's hetty koes endang to remember and feel closer to my mother, that's what i'll do. i miss her so much and i wish so badly to remember every inch of her every single day of my life. if only my memory is not so weak..
i miss her, i miss her so much. i feel so sad watching my friends, having their mother calling them everyday. a mother to attend their sick day. their happy day. a mother to hug on graduation day. a mother to cry on when you feel so troubled.
i wish i had that part of life. but i don't. it's in the past now. never be the present. never will happen in the future.

holiday dum dum

arghh..it was almost insane that we only have a week holiday for sem break when the others got months! anyway, the amazing thing was we were noticed that we'll be having dental exam after holiday during the final days of holidays.. its a tough fight. with futsal match and everything else, how did i managed to survive haha.. so here's the pic!



this one on my way to watch new moon!



best man of my life..



a walk along my kampung..

flowers in winter

I found this a few days ago, and it has earned itself a place in my favourite list. its a beautiful poem, check it out!

Flowers in Winter

by John Greenleaf Whittier
(1807-1892)

How strange to greet, this frosty morn,
In graceful counterfeit of flower,
These children of the meadows, born
Of sunshine and of showers!

How well the conscious wood retains
The pictures of its flower-sown home,
The lights and shades, the purple stains,
And golden hues of bloom!

It was a happy thought to bring
To the dark season's frost and rime
This painted memory of spring,
This dream of summertime.

Our hearts are lighter for its sake,
Our fancy's age renews its youth,
And dim-remembered fictions take
The guise of present truth.

A wizard of the Merrimac,--
So old ancestral legends say,--
Could call green leaf and blossom back
To frosted stem and spray.

The dry logs of the cottage wall,
Beneath his touch, put out their leaves;
The clay-bound swallow, at his call,
Played round the icy eaves.

The settler saw his oaken flail
Take bud, and bloom before his eyes;
From frozen pools he saw the pale
Sweet summer lilies rise.

To their old homes, by man profaned
Came the sad dryads, exiled long,
And through their leafy tongues complained
Of household use and wrong.

The beechen platter sprouted wild,
The pipkin wore its old-time green,
The cradle o'er the sleeping child
Became a leafy screen.

Haply our gentle friend hath met,
While wandering in her sylvan quest,
Haunting his native woodlands yet,
That Druid of the West;

And while the dew on leaf and flower
Glistened in the moonlight clear and still,
Learned the dusk wizard's spell of power,
And caught his trick of skill.

But welcome, be it new or old,
The gift which makes the day more bright,
And paints, upon the ground of cold
And darkness, warmth and light!

Without is neither gold nor green;
Within, for birds, the birch-logs sing;
Yet, summer-like, we sit between
The autumn and the spring.

The one, with bridal blush of rose,
And sweetest breath of woodland balm,
And one whose matron lips unclose
In smiles of saintly calm.

Fill soft and deep, O winter snow!
The sweet azalea's oaken dells,
And hide the banks where roses blow
And swing the azure bells!

O'erlay the amber violet's leaves,
The purple aster's brookside home,
Guard all the flowers her pencil gives
A live beyond their bloom.

And she, when spring comes round again,
By greening slope and singing flood
Shall wander, seeking, not in vain
Her darlings of the wood.

long lost weekend

I can't remember when was the last time i had a real weekend! you know those kind of weekend where the days are sunny, the light pass through your window warming up your bed.. the sky is clear blue with cotton puff of white clouds,, and we just lay back, relax eating a bar of chocolate, an earphone stuck on tour ears and goodie! a novel within your grab.. sigh... i miss that. so lets see what have i been up to these past 2 weeks.

October 3rd: Hari Raya Celebration for Dental Batch



it was not bad despite the fact that i am soo tired.

October 5th: Hari Raya Celebration for Medic Dental 1st Year

This is a hectic one because i am one of those few people pulling things to make this event to happen..smoothly. a lot has been sacrificed, i am not sure whether its worthwhile, but at least we did make our batch proud.



8-10 October: MC for Expo Campus and Promoter for Entrepreneur Selling

This i have to work running there and there. I have to be a formal MC then rush to my sale spot to do selling, and goodness, it exhaust me to almost death. but its a good experience. hah.

so friends out there whom i have loosely connecting with i am sorry and i learned my lesson. don't be such a snotty ass.